So I asked the husband what he wanted to be referred to in the blog, his answer was not to refer to him in the blog at all, but we all know that isn’t going to happen. I think we will call him the Prince Consort (PC) you know…married to royalty. Hey it’s my blog, and I can be as conceited and delusional as I want–Don’t judge, that’s The Poodle’s job.
Now that we’ve introduced the PC, I will touch on the fact that we’re trying to make a human. A human baby that is. While we have been perfectly content with fur babies for years and years, about two and a half years ago we began the endeavor of adding a two legged addition to our family. It’s a complicated process, so rather than back track, I think I will start with where we are now and fill in the grey details as we go. I’ve gone through just about every emotion in the book. I mean I was nervous but excited when we started trying (trying is fun right?!?) and progressed through every other imaginable feeling. After some medical checks, etc and after 1.5 years, we know the PC is good to go. Fast forward another year and we know that it is my body that’s a little more hostile towards the process but it’s my year. It will happen.
We’re about to start our IUI cycle number two. Number one was a flop, but surprisingly I felt ok about it. Sounds strange to write that yeah? Like how else would I have felt? I will tell you. In the past, every period brought indescribable sadness and a consummation of guilt. I had failed as a woman. Why wouldn’t my body cooperate? PC has wanted kids his whole life, and would have been fine even if they’d come along before we were married. It was a non-negotiable in our marriage, and something we both knew we wanted, just at different speeds. I knew I wanted kids, but all through my 20’s kept the “not yet” feeling in my mind. Selfishly I wanted time with just us, to learn about what being married is like, and I wasn’t ready to give that up right away, so I stayed on the pill. I know from friends with kids that life is NEVER the same after and I wanted to enjoy one on one time with PC before that changed forever. If I’d have known how hard getting pregnant would be, would I have waited? Did I miss my prime window? Did I take the choice away from PC because of wanting to wait and potentially rob him of an opportunity to have a family that was so important to him? I am not saying all these thoughts are rational. I am however telling you they are real. The feelings started getting a little overwhelming. Backtrack to last year when we began our trip down the road of fertility intervention…we were with our Dr. for about 6 months when PC started having back issues and had to be put on some steroids. It was a sign it was time for a break. I was started to resent the process. I needed to mentally refocus. We took almost five months off from the doctors. I won’t say from trying, we still tried religiously on our own, but five months without any medical intervention. I started some acupuncture after discussing the idea with my friend Foxy. Foxy is Poodle’s confidant with infertility –and while I wish she wasn’t going through it, it’s comforting to know you aren’t alone. My thoughts about the acupuncture were that it couldn’t hurt. I am a bit high strung sometimes so if it helped me psychologically or physiologically it was a win in my book. We started back with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in January. Fresh insurance (much improved from 2013), fresh mindset. Even after the failed IUI this month, I felt different. I didn’t cry. I didn’t pout. I did however unashamedly eat an entire box of Skinny Cow ice cream bars over a 2-3 day timeframe, but I blame that on the period, not on the lack of falling pregnant. I feel upbeat, reaffirming that time off was JUST what I needed. We started the infertility drugs again yesterday and ordered the HCG injection so we can proceed with IUI #2 with fingers crossed and legs uncrossed that with our “dress rehearsal” IUI #1 out of the way that we will finally have success soon.