For the record, having a friend with a hostile reproductive system doesn’t automatically equate to us having a hostile heart. There seems to be a misconception that those of us struggling to have a baby can’t be excited for those that are about to reproduce. It makes it more awkward and draws more attention to our reproductive hiccups to have someone tip toe around sharing such wonderful news. As complex human beings, we are fully capable of having more than one emotion at a time. Don’t feel guilty. We can be excited for you while simultaneously crying in our Cheerios for our own body’s shortcomings—it doesn’t make us any less joyous for others.
Ultimately I realize this is my own issue. It’s not actually the fault of the oblivious posters but HOW you make the announcement, and how you communicate during your pregnancy can however make you a d**k. Facebook announcements along the lines of “oops I am pregnant” or “I am not fat, I am pregnant” aren’t the ideal ways to tell close friends or family that are enduring a battle with infertility, nor are 9 month-long posts bitching about how hard pregnancy is. Mostly it’s just annoying (mixed with a small jealous twinge of “I wouldn’t know”. I assume however even those with a brood of children find these posts slightly annoying and desperate too. Here’s some suggested do’s/don’ts of my own, but I welcome additions to the list.
- Share your News! We ARE joyous for you.
- Pray, send good jujus or whatever it is you do if you really want to “help”.
- Be thankful for your blessings.
- Feel or Express Pity.
- Give unsolicited advice (trust me, we’ve googled or tried EVERYTHING you could possibly suggest)
- Ask for constant updates-if we had news to share, TRUST me, the world would know.