The Flowers are Blooming -Ugh

Last post ended waiting on the call back from the nurse. The only thing more frustrating than waiting, is getting a call that doesn’t really explain anything at all. The only resolution after Thursday’s call was a follow up appointment scheduled for the following Monday. I’d forgotten that I had President’s Day off from work so I booked the first appointment at 8am. In hindsight I would have slept in longer obviously. The bad news was confirmed. IF I ovulated, we missed it, IUI is a no-go this cycle. The one redeeming point in it all was that we hadn’t used our $100+ injection yet, so we can save that for next month.  I went home, put on my pj’s since PC was working, ate an entire box of Girl Scout cookies (damn you peanut butter patties!) and watched trashy television for the balance of the day. I was asked to come back in for a consult with the doctor this past Tuesday to discuss future treatment options. The consult turned into another exam. I am officially a professional at these exams now for the record. This whole process takes away every bit of shame and dignity you have. I am so good in fact, they don’t even have to tell me to “scoot down a little”, words EVERY grown woman understands. I just throw that s**t out there now for the whole world to see. Win. More blood-work and a short discussion of what might have caused a failed cycle.  Dr. R feels pretty confident we can increase the medicine dosage this cycle with better results before taking a more aggressive (and more expensive) path. Truth be told on the expense of it, we are more fortunate than others. Last year, our insurance was not so great and I felt in constant limbo between balancing what we could afford and what was the “best” treatment. This year, we dropped my company insurance and are on PC’s and so far it’s proved far superior on infertility coverage and I am grateful for that constantly. I discussed the process with Snarky yesterday (another of my dearest companions) and she was right on when she said no one grows up saving money for this. You save for retirement, you save for future children’s college funds, you don’t save thinking that making a human is going to be difficult until it almost feels too late.  Focus Poodle focus. Back to the consult yesterday– the Dr. suggested (will be confirmed/denied tomorrow morning with blood results) that I didn’t even ovulate this month and suggested that I might have to be prescribed a medicine to bring on red death. Sigh. I had to do this once last year when the devil cysts appeared and I remember clearly how painful the cramps were. Sometimes my inners must have a sense of humor though because joke is on the Dr. this month. Red death (RD) came today. Next step is to be continued…

Speaking of red death appearing though, I received a notification from my cycle tracking app today announcing that RD was coming. Thanks for the reminder bitch, you’re a few hours late. Not to mention, if you are using a fertility app (yes I am committing the mortal sin of assuming) then chances are you are trying to get pregnant. So ASSUMING you are actually trying to get pregnant, let me be the first to tell you that know EXACTLY when it’s coming. No warning necessary.  Those of us in this process eat, breath, and sleep based on cycle days to a point of obsession. The reminder is as annoying as the pad commercials with happy women and their blue liquid. Where is the commercial with the bloated woman eating an entire box of peanut butter patties that likes the F-word and cries at supermarket commercials instead of gallivanting through meadows with a diaper of a pad in place. I almost threw the phone at the wall. Foxy suggested I not ruin my expensive phone and simply change the  notification settings.  She’s a rational lady like that 90% of the time. While turning off the notifications would likely suffice, editing them seemed like such a more brilliant option. Here are the before and after messages both to remind me about RD and about fertile days. Seriously just reading “the flowers are blooming” for the sake of adding it to the blog makes me cringe. This process is not pretty. It is not cute. Take your flowers and shove them tracker app.




2 thoughts on “The Flowers are Blooming -Ugh

  1. I am cracking up at your alternate notifications Poods, but I think “Red Death Commeth” might work even better! Ha! Gotta have a sense of humor for this ish.

    What Snarky said is so true, who plans for IF? If only we had known.

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