I’ve overdue for an update, but struggled this week with my post. It’s been a very confusing two weeks. Conflicts of emotion everywhere. We received some positive news– the cysts are gone and I can come off birth control. At the same time, we’ve had people close to us in this process struggle through some things that remind me just how vulnerable this process makes you.
I went to last weeks’ appointment not expecting much. I was still having pains in my right side off and on and assumed the organ clingers were still in place. The computers were down at my doctor’s office, so they couldn’t pull the last ultrasound pictures for comparison, but much to my pleasant surprise those suckers are gone. ALL.OF.THEM. No comparison necessary. The instructions were to wait for my next period and then move forward with our medicines which is what we had planned on 1.5 months ago. From what I understand (sometimes I feel like I am not fully understanding of the decisions and plans even though it’s MY body) we will give the IUI with regular pill medications one last try this month. If that fails (thinking optimistically but trying to balance as a realist—that there are other possibilities) they will likely switch to injections for another IUI attempt and then move on to more serious instructions about discussions about IVF. Hang on for the ride!
Separately, I can out the news because she’s made it Facebook official, a near and dear friend of mine from high school is pregnant with TWINS! As a gal that has big time struggled with fertility issues herself, I can honestly admit I feel pure joy for her. She’s also been a great friend to laugh with through this process at some of the <ahem> more embarrassing side effects of the drugs. Misery DOES love company with that ya’ll because it DOES make you feel better to know someone else has the same reactions/itches/mood changes, etc. that you’re having. I touched on it in a previous post Oh so you’re Pregnant? but I’d like to go back for a minute. Ladies (and even men I am sure) struggling with infertility are not heartless or cold. We do not wish sterile reproductive systems on people. Is there a sense of jealousy sometimes that your own body continues to fight and fail you? Absolutely. But something is different when it’s someone that has agonized through the process themselves that announces their pregnancy. It’s like instantly you’re in their corner. You pull for them when they have appointments scheduled. You’re backing that little bean(s) they’re growing pulling for the best like you have some personal investment it in.
I was trying to plan a visit up to NC for my nephews first birthday, but no surprise, this fertility treatment currently rules not just my mind and my heart, but also my schedule. I am back to measuring my life based on what cycle day it is. Because of appointments I would need to be at specifically that Friday, I have to miss the party and just plan a trip up another time soon. In all honesty, I will probably get more good quality time in with my sister and the baby another weekend, but a pang of sadness that I won’t be there live. While my mom was here last weekend, she helped me paint the cutest gift ever filled with goodies to celebrate his first lap around the sun. Pictures to come (mom make sure you take some!) after May 10th. Ever go to a baby shower or a birthday party or whatever and someone has one of those gifts that looks like it’s straight off Pinterest? You scowl under your breathe because your perfectly wrapped registry gift all of a sudden seems less than awesome. Yeah I am totally being THAT girl at the party and I won’t even be there <guilty laugh>. That’s what aunts and uncles are for—baby spoiling. There WILL be a day when we have our own kid(s) I am sure, and likely won’t have time/money to be so crafty, but for now the little nugget and our animal babies get it all!