Life doesn’t frighten me at all. Not at all. Not at all.

Today’s blog title in honor of an important soul that we lost today in Maya Angelou. Life doesn’t frighten me (much), but sometimes it sure does irritate me. This past weekend was Memorial Day and we headed out to the beach with some friends that rented a condo right on the beach. The beach was great. The weather was sunny and beautiful. I may or may not have trusted Snarky’s kids with applying the sunscreen on my back on Saturday and ended up with some interesting hand marks but nothing painful. The IUI was two weeks ago today (the day I had been instructed to pee on a stick if red death stayed away) so I optimistically didn’t pack tampons for the beach. MISTAKE. As we were packing up to head home, red death made her unwelcome appearance. Honestly, this week before my body felt too NORMAL, I almost knew it wasn’t a go. I had the same pre-period symptoms (and lack of symptoms) that I’ve had my entire adult life. Cramps yes, breast soreness no. Moodiness yes (wait, that’s month long…) There are 9 million annoying parts of going through infertility treatments, but one of them is that early pregnancy symptoms are pretty indistinguishable from PMS symptoms. At one point over the weekend Snarky was making deviled eggs—I can’t even say I helped except peeling, mostly I watched and socialized—I found myself borderline gagging and slightly optimistic for a moment about the cause of the nausea. Turns out it wasn’t anything other than a mix between the way we went about filling them (sounded brilliant to put the eggs/mayo/mustard in a Ziploc like an icing bag sounded better than it actually worked…think clumpy mess) and the smell of boiled eggs (rotten farts). I may never eat boiled eggs again.
I handled it better initially than I thought I would, but by Monday night I was tired after a long weekend and having a pity party, which thankfully had resolved itself by Tuesday when I woke up. I return to the doc tomorrow for another ovary check and to find out what our next step is. They’d made mention of sticking with the IUI but switching from oral meds to injectable meds instead for next round. They try the oral first because it’s easier than sticking yourself with needles day after day and usually the cost is astronomically different. I have been pretty fortunate in 2014 with some stellar insurance that the cost has been more than manageable, but I am not excited about seeing the cost difference from the oral meds! I had to cancel an OBGYN appointment speaking of crotch doctors because without fail, EVERY time I schedule my annual checkup, I have to reschedule it because of red death. Seriously does that happen to everyone? I schedule these appointments like 3 months in advance and it never ever fails. I almost feel like I should book two appointments, two weeks apart and then just cancel the one I don’t need!
In other (not so) news, nothing makes time fly by like taking two days off last week and then having a company holiday Monday that isn’t actually a holiday for all of your customers! I am playing catch up and finishing reports and projects that coincidentally ALL happen to be due this week. Stressful yes, but I like to tell myself that is job security. It is right? Good thing my gray hairs got covered in highlights last week. Yes that’s right folks, I am attempting to be better about maintaining my hair. After 4 months of being unsure what I wanted to do and wearing this curly mess pulled back, I decided to edge back towards my “normal” color. Somewhere underneath there is a dark blond/ashy brown look that’s coming back.
Side note, when people bitch about ails of pregnancy it makes me want to punch them in the face. Literally.

Life Doesn’t Frighten Me
by Maya Angelou
Shadows on the wall
Noises down the hall
Life doesn’t frighten me at all

Bad dogs barking loud
Big ghosts in a cloud
Life doesn’t frighten me at all

Mean old Mother Goose
Lions on the loose
They don’t frighten me at all

Dragons breathing flame
On my counterpane
That doesn’t frighten me at all.

I go boo
Make them shoo
I make fun
Way they run
I won’t cry
So they fly
I just smile
They go wild

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

Tough guys fight
All alone at night
Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

Panthers in the park
Strangers in the dark
No, they don’t frighten me at all.

That new classroom where
Boys all pull my hair
(Kissy little girls
With their hair in curls)
They don’t frighten me at all.

Don’t show me frogs and snakes
And listen for my scream,
If I’m afraid at all
It’s only in my dreams.

I’ve got a magic charm
That I keep up my sleeve
I can walk the ocean floor
And never have to breathe.

Life doesn’t frighten me at all
Not at all
Not at all.

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

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