The Body is Confusing

I THOUGHT I understood more about this infertility process than I really do. Clearly. If you recall, last Monday, I went in for a “recheck” and things sounded promising. Small follicles brewing and good blood work were all signs pointing to a successful ovulation, but I guess they weren’t “big enough” yet for them to schedule HCG injection or IUI. I was asked to go back again Wednesday. Again, thank goodness our insurance is better this year or I’d be dying that I had to have four crotch ultrasounds in a single month! I went in Wednesday morning and it was again an alternate nurse since I wasn’t at my regular office. She was flustered, the computers were going up and down. She started the exam only to have to stop halfway through, reboot and then begin again. I was trying to be a good sport and making jokes along the way…
Anyhow, she says she spies FOUR follicles, three of which in her opinion look “great” and she even has me acknowledge that there is a risk of multiples when this happens. I agree to proceed forward anyhow, I mean I feel like I’d probably dig a hole and die if I had 3 children at once, but statistically talking here we haven’t exactly had the easiest time achieving a pregnancy so I felt ok with the odds. They had drawn blood before the exam which was pretty standard and would give us a reflection of my estrogen level and help us nail down the best IUI date.
I left pretty excited. The nurse said IUI would be scheduled probably Friday or Saturday. I don’t normally get my hopes up, but I felt good. I jokingly told Foxy I’d share my “litter” with her if that happened. I waited ALL afternoon for the call from my regular nurse. At 4:30 I started to worry a little and called to ask (I was going to have to schedule time off from work if IUI was Friday, so really needed to get on it). Ten minutes later I got a call from my nurse. She sounded defeated. You know you’re around these people too often when you can sense that over the phone. Come to find out, sometime in between checkup Monday and checkup Wednesday, my body went ahead and ovulated without telling me. None of the pee strips (OPK’s) came up positive but admittedly I did forget to test Tuesday until late at night. She also seemed shocked that the nurse from earlier hadn’t even discussed that as a concern. WTF body, can’t you do ANYTHING right?
Part of me is annoyed that they didn’t warn me that this even happens (shame on me for not knowing more?) and part of me is only annoyed that I allowed my hopes to rise, something I am usually SO careful to avoid. It also turns out (hindsight it 20/20 right?) that they had AFTER my exam circled some additional hormones to be tested from the blood vial that was drawn—like progesterone, which (apparently—again, I don’t know as much as I thought) they wouldn’t test for normally until after they suspect you ovulated. I didn’t notice until my regular nurse (I really need to come up with a nickname for her) pointed it out, but WHY in the bloody HELL did morning nurse not mention that? I plan on bringing it up at the consult I have on the 24th. I went ahead and scheduled the consult so that I don’t have the same issues with the doctor being on vacation again instead of discussing a change in treatment plans. Turns out after 3 failed IUI’s they like to get more aggressive with the meds. I’ve had 3 and two halves. Three full cycles with IUI and two failed cycles where we did meds but cancelled IUI. Nurse then suggests we “have natural intercourse” for the next two days to try to replace the IUI. Yeah of course, because natural conception has worked SO WELL so far.
It seems awkward to mention this now at the end of this post, but last week was made tougher by the fact that we lost my grandma (mom’s mom) last week. Eight kids, I think 27 grandkids if you count step kids etc. and at least 14 great grandkids later, she left one hell of a legacy behind. I am most sad for my mom, saying goodbye to a parent is crap at any age. The rational part of me understands that at 92 years, she had one hell of a run, but I still hate that she never met PC, and she will our future kid(s) will never meet her, only stories about her. I hate to end this on a sad note, but chin up, be thankful for what we’ve got in the here and now.


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