Red death appeared again today. Even when you know she’s coming, such an unwelcome and defeating friend. More than 25 times since we started this process yet each month there is something inside of us that holds out hope that THIS month will be different. Logically, I know better, but when I got sore nips this month, a symptom of PMS that I have never personally had, a little glimmer of hope was ignited. Squashed. I’m signed up for the IVF seminar later in the month, and then we should know more about what the future process and steps will be for us. I have to admit, the past 60 days without constant doctors appointments and cycle counting has been somewhat of a relief. Until today, where I feel a little defeated, it has been the happiest I have been in two years. I even held off on going back on the birth control pill, knowing that is part of the IVF process, because I did not want to take away the .000001% chance of us conceiving naturally before we began the whole process. It’s amazing the games that this cycle and this process play on our minds and our hearts. Sending love and good jujus for all of those going through the same struggle, and hoping that you too send some back my way.
It’s All A Vicious Cycle