Sometimes our most honest blog thoughts come with little warning. As I sat waiting for the IVF seminar to start last night, I jotted some thoughts down the back of their brochure…
“Infertility doesn’t discriminate. There are at least twenty people already here and the IVF course doesn’t even begin for another half hour. There are some women here that seem like babies themselves…”too young” to be going through this process already. There are others here that make my (almost) 32 years seem like 23 instead. They are black, white and Hispanic. There are blondes, brunettes, redheads and even one girl so far with blue hair. Tall, short, slender, chubby. It doesn’t seem to matter how different we look on the outside, we share a silent flaw, a commonality that many of us stay mute about most days. I was nervous before before I walked in. PC had to work late but only maybe 25% of the ladies here look to have a partner or spouse with them, so I am not alone. I’m sipping on a pumpkin spice latte courtesy of Foxy –and willing it to be fall outside even though it’s still 90 degrees out. I can’t help but wonder how many of these women (and maybe even some of the men) have spent countless hours crying over their reproductive failures. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of eye contact. The eyes that you do catch seem to be full of empathy. Not the sympathetic “I feel/hurt for you” but the empathetic “I feel/hurt WITH you.”
I am sure this blog from time to time sounds like I am wallowing in pity and sadness. It’s anything but that. The good days continue to outweigh the bad, and I feel like as long as I recognize that even the shittiest days turn into a fresh new morning–then I feel like I am doing ok. Clearly I am not the only crazy one, or alone in this . The last 10 pages of this pamphlet they hand out is devoted to counselors, support groups, meditation, acupuncture and other ways to sort through the chaos.”
I stopped writing when the actual course begin except to make the occasional snarky text to Foxy.
Initially I didn’t care for the requirement of attending, but I get it. It was a LOT of information and so much to take in. I actually feel more prepared than I thought I thought I would be. Side note, people think I do not have a filter sometimes. Wrong. I have the world’s best filter because if I ACTUALLY said what I sometimes think, I would be arrested or get my ass kicked on the regular. All jokes and annoying humans aside, it was an overall really helpful few hours and I think more reproductive clinics should offer something similar!