Watch out friends, the mushy trend continues. I am really sorry ahead of time if this keeps up for the whole pregnancy. The judgy/sassy part of me will be back eventually. I am usually the friend everyone thinks is so tough (and I can be) on the outside, but I’m also apparently a bit M&M like, I’ve got a soft center. I’m currently hooked on a Pandora channel based around on music from Oh Honey and You + I. While it is a little corny of a tune, I am so overwhelmed by “I Love You Will Still Sound the Same” by Oh Honey. Years ago (maybe I’ve mentioned it in a past blog?) we had what amounted to be a pretty horrible year. We had gotten engaged at such a happy time at the end of 2008. By mid to fall of 2009, his mother had fallen ill and passed away, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and immediately faced surgery to remedy it. PC had major back surgery, and my father had a serious heart attack. It was as if the universe wanted to punish us for something beyond either of our control. At Thanksgiving dinner that year, we all took a moment to share something we were thankful for at my dad’s request. I remember not even making it through my thought without crying, because even in such darkness, I WAS thankful. I was thankful my dad survived– and without any long term heart damage. I was cancer free, and I was thankful PC’s surgery was a success. I was thankful I had a family that backed me through it all, and I was thankful that even with the toughest of odds, PC and I had survived. I knew then, marrying him wasn’t a mistake, but a lucky alignment of stars. The universe wasn’t punishing me. It had paired me with a partner willing to have my back and encourage me through even the darkest of hours. It goes without saying, PC has ays been supportive and encouraging, and the deeper we got into the struggles of infertility, the more I KNEW with every bone in my body that I couldn’t have done it (or wanted to do it) without him.
For the most part, I held it together pretty well through IVF (or so I think and so I am told). As I’ve alluded to in past posts, rather than IVF adding more burden, it felt like finally something was lifted. We were giving it our all and taking what we hoped would be a huge step forward. PC dried my eyes before procedures that I was scared of, and told me I was beautiful even when I was so bloated and bruised from the injections. He waited on me hand and foot after the egg retrieval with such patience. When we got the news that it had in fact worked, his comforting didn’t ease up. He’s continued to do all the “chemical chores” and scooped kitty litter for a cat he doesn’t even like. As my jeans get tighter and my torso becomes less and less defined, he still reminds me that he thinks I look great. On my ugliest days, he still sends messages to remind me how beautiful he finds me. Every time I think I can’t love him more, I’m proved wrong.
Hopefully you will see now why I was so caught up in this song. I’ve taken out all the duplicate chorus lyrics below, but you will get the point. PC knows I started a blog a few years back, but has never asked for the web address or read it, so he doesn’t know just how cheesy I can be thankfully!
Could you see yourself Growing old with me, Watchin’ my head turn to grey? Could you live with me In my mistakes, And the ones I have yet to make? So when our eyes have seen their better days And our hearing starts to fade Put your arms ’round my neck, and your heart on my chest “I Love You” will still sound the same I can see our dreams, Inside of a child Long after ours fade away. When our rings start to rust And our skin starts to age Remember the promise we made. When bills pile up And time tests our love We’ll stay forever in love. We’ll stick to our guns Our grip won’t loosen up When we say forever ain’t enough.